Facebook

I have no idea why I even waste my time on facebook. I think I want the social interaction to make me feel better about my relationships with people. That notion is a joke. Facebook is pointless.

Dear Passion for Life,

I am so happy to see you. I will handle these two final weeks and then maybe we can spend a couple days together before I go home. A hike maybe. I cannot wait.

Love Always,

Hailey M Schroeder

X marks the spot.

I hope to find adventure.
I'm going back to MQT for two weeks.
I want more than anything to feel like I have lived in these next two weeks. I need to fulfill my need for adventure. I want to explore the deepest parts of desires. I will tell you of your extraordinary ability to write. I will not hesitate to confront you on your ability to be remarkable. I think I might be afraid to die because I feel I haven't had the courage to live. I will find it, I just need a map.

I have one.

Last Star

I feel like I have so much to say and then I can't think of anything at all.  I want to be passionate about something again. I feel like I've misplaced every ounce of passion I have ever posessed and returned home to be someone else.

I hate myself for thinking I'm someone else at all. If I have a passion for anything it is being who I am.

We are who we are.

To be alive is  simple concept and yet a beautifully complex adventure. I just want to live. It sounds like I'm trapped which is the opposite of what is. I'm stationary in a open space. I think that is what is so perplexing. I want to be free to fly like Peter Pan. I just need to go back to a place like Neverland, to put it in my soul and keep it there. I feel like I've lost my shaddow and  I need it back.

"To live would be an awfully big adventure." -Peter Pan

 I can't tell if I'm running away from the start or for the finish. What is beautiful about a trail run is that I am free to blaze my own trail and trek at my own pace.The only person I  run for or against is myself.

 Running is my expession of pure selfishness. I cannot indure the thought of ever running to please another. The action of running has a level of control I lust to feel in the bottom of my stomach. The pain and pleasure extened into my soul further than I could have ever imagined.

The Statue of Liberty

Today I thought about how many times I mention the impact of the amazing people on my life. I mention people specifically all the time. I'm worried one day someone will come to me and wonder why I am so specific. I talk about the same people all the time. I figure the remarkable people are like the landmarks of my soul's journey through life. If I see the Statue of Liberty, I wouldn't simply explain that I visited a statue. I would go on and explain how much I enjoyed my visit to New York and that I saw the Statue of Liberty in all her glory. I went to the very top and I felt as if I was a small part of our nation's history. That is how my soul feels about people. When I converse with someone awesome it is a big deal. The true enjoyment is the  whole experience of being around him or her.

Unlike monuments though people are reactive and change rapidly. I love that every time I run into someone it's like I'm visiting a monument for the first time. I know its' history and yet it's the first time I've seen it up close. I know my friends. I watch them grow as human beings and yet everything that happens makes seeing them exciting. The trials of daily life are truly fascinating to me. I may just be normal in that sense  though.

It should be an interesting four days. My family too never fails to fascinate me. it's been just over thirty six hours and though I am not rushing the break I am looking forward to my short return to MQT.