Encounter?

I'm thinking about heading out to Encounter this weekend with some people I know who are going out there to spend some time with God. I'm wondering if that would be weird. I wonder if even God's people think it is odd that I am developing this really intense relationship with my idea of God and love so immediately.I feel like love, at least the love that I know can be between two human beings, isn't something I need to head into slowly. God is love.

Is it weird that I can understand the humanist perspective of atheism? I mean Atheists aren't terrible people. Atheists aren't devil worshipers. Many atheists love humanity and believe that this world is the something that we are apart of. I can see that. I can see being so wrapped up in the world that needing to acknowledge the higher power that may be  there to support life wouldn't seem necessary. After all taking care of the earth and loving one another is supposed to be a ticket to heaven anyway. If only we could truly focus on that love.  if we could zone in on love instead of being wrapped up in what is or is not. I think that is why I love this new praise outlet in my life. I can feel the love there. Pure love, the type of love that two human beings spend their lives trying to absorb in one another.That is the humanist part of spirituality that I identify with, but I feel that love and for some reason and I believe it is from God.

Like.,

I speak and this is what people hear. Like blah blah blah. Like blah. I am honestly the one of the least articulate beings on the planet. I need to work on this. Conviction.

Lost it.

Today I went all out and lost my self-control. I cried in public again. Tears.

"We are strongest when we are weak." That is what the message was at Water's Edge today. I'm still grasping the concept. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm begging God to love me, then I think I only do that because no one else does. I also think I'm an idiot because people do love me. Why do I need so much validation?  I can't believe I cried. I feel so weak. I feel so vulnerable. I hate that feeling. I hate it.

Breathe. Stretch. Shake.