Road.

"Everyone who you read about, all those people have a disorder, they just know how to use it.' 

I've heard two really insightful things today, this being the first.I thought about this concept and how it is imperative that I be in touch with what I need when I need it.That in order to become who I want to become I need to know how to use what challenges me most. I've also been thinking about how challenging that is for me as an individual. I've been thinking about the need to feel needed and the other aspects of my interpersonal relationships. I think most of all that I've been contemplating why it is that I continue to  become aware of what I need and  how those moments of discovery become pivotal points in my life; why is it that no matter what  obstacle I face, no matter the challenge, no matter how disordered my life becomes, I've come to a point where defeat and victory are nearly synonymous in relation to the development of my soul?

   

The second inspirational thing I heard has helped to progress m mind through this. The idea that  was placed in front of me today is that I will find the people I need when I need to find them; when I feel like I  am on a road alone and experiencing something I feel I can't understand, I am, in fact, right where I need to be. I think the concept  of  developing my soul through other human beings inspires me more than anything else at all.

Why: In my life, especially in the last three years, nothing has proven to be more true than the idea that I am indeed a beautifully complicated soul, who only becomes more beautiful by becoming more complicated. I have discovered this complex correlation, in the only place I could and that is within myself. I am who I am and honestly I'm not quite sure I want to know everything there is to know about that person. Knowing myself completely would mean that I have lost the ability to surprise and underestimate myself; I would lose the ability to evolve and develop as a human being. This isn't to say that I don't want to explore the realities of my behavior. I want to  better myself by being able to define what I value and why. I believe that I've become even more aware of myself lately  because I've become astoundingly intoxicated by the way the people around me have been discovering things within themselves. Being here, in my home, with this intelligent and courageous group of young women has become a humbling and soul enriching experience. It is moving to witness  someone discovering courage they didn't think they had, relating to others in a way they didn't expect, or searching for support they didn't know they needed, to find it in someone they've known for  what seems like not nearly long enough.

I heard today that I have the people I need and that as I  progress others will come into my life just as suddenly. I need the people in my life. It continues to astound me how much I become inspired by a five minute conversation with a friend; that alone drives my need to meet more people and truly invest in my relationships with the people I have come to know.

I think all in all this is about being thankful for the people who have unknowingly pointed me in the right direction and reassured me that I need not worry about the constant change. This is about knowing that I have the people I need and trusting within myself. In some ways this is a letter to myself, declaring that I am going somewhere. Despite the challenges, I am on a path that will lead me to love, peace,and goodness, regardless of my changing definitions of all of those things . I'm on a road I won't regret taking with a group of amazing people who are unknowingly leading me to a place I couldn't have known I needed to go. 

Peace. Love. Vu.