Worries.

Okay. I'm blogging for a bit of stress relief so here is my rant.

I can't stop thinking about how awesome it would be on summer orientation staff. I had RA selection today. I think I fucked up. I feel like I am not unique enough to be noticed by people who don't know me. I'm terrified of rejection, which is ironic because I value growth so much. I'm scared that everything  I do  messes everything I have going for me right up. I worry far too much about impressing people.  I focus on my self far too often. I'm weird, it's noticeable. I have a dorky laugh. I give off the impression that I would like to be other people. I just want to be me. I feel like I know who that is. I value love.


Acceptance. I need to find it with in myself first.
I'm worried about becoming an RA because I haven't "dealt" with some of my own issues, but I'm confident in my abilities to lead. It's getting around time for  self-acceptance week. I read Voices of Courage last week in my own type of preparation. I'm starting to forget how I felt exactly. I can't recall the feelings. I remember the anger but I can't harness it. I think that might be good. I feel guilty for letting myself grow past it. 


Tomorrow should be the SOS phone call day. I'm so excited. I still can't stop thinking about how awesome it would be. I keep thinking I threw myself under the bus with the challenges question. I mean now that I think a  about camp and things I've made pretty valuable connections with quiet kids. I want this so badly. I start to feel like that's a bad thing, then I remember that it is just my nature to desire things that are important  and that is something I can't control.