Loss

It kills me to know you are the closest thing I have ever had to loss. It still hurts when I think about all the things that I have that others do not. I hate that loosing you was the closest thing to heartbreak I've ever felt. All these people right here walking because of real loss and real pain. Cancer. Terrible loss. Crazy strength. Fight back and find a cure.

You. Weakness. I can't even look at you. I hate you, the type of hate that manifests its' self into violent terror. In my dreams I'm the terrorist. I am he person I never wanted to be. I'm the bad guy. I'm you and you are me. I'm the killer. I create the loss and you are helpless. You always manage to put up a fight, but I always win. I always beat you within an inch of your life and laugh. I always laugh before you should die, but you never do. You  always live and I'm just happy to see you suffer. Suffer. Loss. It's over. It's been over. Take your good directions and go away. Fuck you and everything you've made me see. Fuck everything  you've made me dream. My dreams are mine and I wouldn't give you one to save your mother fucking life. Would I? I wouldn't save you. In my dreams I wouldn't save you. I would though. Me. In this world were I am who I want to be, I would save you. In reality I am far more the life saver than I am the killer. I am far more a survivor who goes back into the disaster to save you in spite of who you are. I'm not the killer and I'm not the victim. Hear me mother fucker. I'm not a  victim, I would still save you .